@vger@social.daemonlair.org cover
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

vger

@vger@social.daemonlair.org

:AutisticPrideFlag: :greyromanticFlag:
He/Him, currently searching for his true self. Most probably #ActuallyAutistic, #NotJustSad for 15+ years.

#LinuxGaming helps me chill. I like #OpenSource and #LibreSoftware. I find joy in tinkering with my #HomeLab and run my own Mastodon instance on it. I want everyone to be happy, so #HumanRights, #Freedom, and #Privacy are a thing.

I toot in English and German and will try to tag accordingly.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

onecreativecat , to actuallyautistic
@onecreativecat@mastodon.art avatar

Second night feeling near meltdown, yesterday I couldn't stand anyone touching me and a simple thought was sending ne into a spiral inside my head...
What helps you calming down??
It's never been that bad for me 😔

@actuallyautistic
@adhd

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@onecreativecat @actuallyautistic @adhd I‘m just starting to find out what is helping me. Foremost it is being alone, shutting out any possible disturbance. And in that space I do something I like to do. Currently that‘s playing videogames. But it could also be listening to music, reading a book, whatever you think you like.

sebwhatever , to actuallyautistic
@sebwhatever@mastodon.social avatar
vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@sebwhatever @actuallyautistic Still Persona 5 Royal on my Steam Deck 😅

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@sebwhatever @actuallyautistic Don‘t if you value your time 😉

This is my first JRPG in ages and I would never have thought that I would love it so much. It‘s just the perfect casual game experience for me currently and I‘m scared of the day I see the end credits 😅

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@sebwhatever @actuallyautistic I have BG3 on my backlog. Played till the end of the Goblin camp in act one. But P5R threw me off the rails. Probably going to continue after I finish P5R.

Jobob , to actuallyautistic
@Jobob@mastodon.me.uk avatar

So, a question for undiagnosed late realised @actuallyautistic folks.
Your work makes a change and it saves them money but plays actual havoc with all of your traits that you're still learning to recognise as autistic. You tell them about the impact it has on you and they completely dismiss your complaint, saying its fine for most people.
If there was a diagnosis it'd basically be indirect discrimination. But there isn't, and no prospect of one any time soon.
What do you do?

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@Jobob I'd look for a new place immediately. I've only self-dx a month ago but most of the times I've switched my employer was allready like this. As long as they treat me well, I am the most loyal person. But the day I feel treated unfair, I'm planning to leave.

@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@Jobob @actuallyautistic I should probably add that I work in IT. That industry definitely has its pro's and con's, but one giant pro that has always played into my hands is that there is always an employer in need for my skillset. That helps tremendously when I feel that I need to change employers.

eo , to actuallyautistic
@eo@dads.cool avatar

@actuallyautistic what's your favorite drink, either alcohol or non. And your fav pick-me up, whether coffee, tea or smoothie.

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@eo @actuallyautistic Coffee with almond milk.

pinkpenguin , to actuallyautistic
@pinkpenguin@sakurajima.moe avatar

@actuallyautistic

does anybody know a polite and societally acceptable way to phrase

"dear colleagues,
i would love to spend my lunch break with you, but if i do so my brain has to spend 30-50 minutes being a) completely overwhelmed by the amount of social context and b) severely depressed about its inability to participate in any form of group conversation.
if i am lucky this means a whole workday without a proper break, when unlucky this gets me an extra little mini meltdown in the afternoon which then renders me unable to work for several hours / the rest of the day.
love, pinkie"

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@PenguinBlue @pinkpenguin @actuallyautistic I‘ve had probably one peolpe in my whole life that I hang out with outside of work. That‘s the only one I would remotely consider a „friend“.

dyani , to actuallyautistic
@dyani@social.coop avatar

An interesting question for my @actuallyautistic neurokin.

What was your first special interest?

The very first one you can remember as a kid.

Mine is/was cats, starting at like age 3 I think. Absolutely enamored with them (and still am) and wanted to know everything about them (and still do). 😻

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@dyani
Mine were the first He-Man action figures from the 80s. I had dozens of them, including vehicles and castles.

After that came Lego.

@actuallyautistic

vger , to actuallyautistic
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

I think I'm done with watching real competitive team sports. I've always had problems with excitement when watching my favorite team play. I've watched yesterdays super bowl, my team being the 49ers. My heart was racing the whole game and it was impossible for me to control my temper in any way, I was stimming like crazy the whole time. Regardless of my team losing, I did not get anything positive out of that experience. I just felt miserable the whole game.

@actuallyautistic

vger OP ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@seanwithwords
That sounds kinda doable. I might try that. It's actually exactly the way I watch professional wrestling. I do have my favorite wrestlers, but knowing that everything is scripted, the results don't matter for me. It's only about the event. Maybe I can mimic that to other sports.

Thank you for the hint!
@actuallyautistic

autism101 , to actuallyautistic
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

Watching the same show over-and-over again is one way I regulate the autistic side of my brain. But the ADHD side sure gets bored sometimes.

Do you watch any shows on repeat?

@actuallyautistic

image: @NoNonsenseND

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@autism101
I don't really, though I do keep some that I really liked, just in case I need a binge. What I do like to watch regularly is professional wrestling. I like the sillyness and it kinda always is the same and feels like rewatching my favorite show, but still is always different enough to get a surprise out of it.
@actuallyautistic

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

You cannot grind yourself thru Burnout

@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Any advice on this? I think that I currently suffer from that. My strategy is to mostly disconnect from outside life, only doing the bare minimum like groceries, running, etc. I‘m also on sick leave to focus on myself. What I really struggle with is focusing on my personal needs. It just feels like I have absolutely no energy for that.

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@theautisticcoach I have contacted a local autistic coach and we will meet soon. So I hope to get some tips there and see if I can also find some autistic groups.

@actuallyautistic

obrerx , to actuallyautistic
@obrerx@neurodifferent.me avatar

: do you have (among various traits you experience) most of the characteristics of the Highly Sensitive Personality ()?

If you're not sure, please see the link to review the HSP traits before answering.

Here's a good Highly Sensitive Person self-test:

https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/

https://hsperson.com/


@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@obrerx @actuallyautistic I‘ve got 16 and did not expect to score that high.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

How do my comrades differentiate between anxiety and depressed feelings?

Or don’t you?

@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@theautisticcoach Actually quite easy for me. Depression is the dark monster that comes, stays for a (long) while, engulfs all my feelings as a whole, numbs me and leaves some day. Anxiety directly kicks in when I either think about things or am about to do stuff. It feels exactly like that: a kick and all my senses are up, preventing me from thinking straight.

@actuallyautistic

morothar , to actuallyautistic
@morothar@tech.lgbt avatar

Yesterday I realized that my main focus in trying to get out of burnout was on "comfort", trying to identify and lessen stressors and seeking things that may soothe and relax me. Yesterday I realized that I all the time I still don't allow myself fun and joy, that I still prioritize virtually everything over exciting things. Somewhere in my brain is a deeply rooted belief that "fun" is a waste of time and that I should invest that time in things that "need to be done", which means any of the million things on my todo list. I need to reframe how I see my passions, that it is not about comfort and relaxation, but about happiness, about "sparking joy", about fun. I need to understand that life is not about productivity and that my goal should not be to just re-charge my batteries so that I can put that energy into work again.

It's funny, I always had a philosophy of "hedonism" in life, yet I became a workaholic who still tries to minimize fun from their life.

@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@morothar @actuallyautistic I need to learn that as well. Haven‘t properly looked after myself for the last 15+ years and now I sit here with a job I can not do and do not want. Why I did I take that job in the first place? Because I thought it would be good for my career …

joshsusser , to actuallyautistic
@joshsusser@neurodifferent.me avatar

@actuallyautistic This group's description begins:

"I'm a group about ActuallyAutistic."

I propose changing that to something like:

"I'm a group for posts by Autistic people, including those who are questioning or self-diagnosed. "

The boilerplate description should be changed because it doesn't keep the group as a space by, for, and about us. I don't care that much about the exact wording, but I think it's important to say posters should be Autistic.

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@joshsusser This group runs on a dedicated Mastodon server which auto-generates groups. There is no way of changing group titles.

@ratcatcher @actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar
sebwhatever , to actuallyautistic
@sebwhatever@mastodon.social avatar
vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@CatHat @sebwhatever @actuallyautistic I was today years old that I learned there is a word about how I feel in romantic relationships.

nickastodon , to actuallyautistic
@nickastodon@mindly.social avatar

@actuallyautistic I was considering figuring out how to do a poll in this group regarding effects of alcohol changing autistics behavior but I'm not sure it's a good topic or how to frame it. Personally I was pretty introverted and socially shy until I discovered alcohol around 19yo. I became increasingly outgoing throughout the rest of my life. Anyone willing to take a stab at it?

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@ideogram @extraneous @nickastodon @actuallyautistic @trollupsx Ha, I was thinking about a good explanation for myself. But this pretty much nails it.

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@Selena @extraneous @nickastodon @actuallyautistic Rarely. I like Whisky, but only for the tastes and always have a small collection ready. I drink a small glass a couple of times a month. Other than that, I don‘t drink alcohol.

Zumbador , to actuallyadhd
@Zumbador@mefi.social avatar

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

My husband, recently diagnosed with both autism and ADHD, is suffering from autistic burnout and having to quit his job.

On one level I'm relieved that he's finally accepted that he's burnt out and has to make changes.

On another, I'm so worried about him.

He's still so caught up in the idea that a person's worth comes from being productive, and is extremely judgmental about the idea of doing "nothing".

I think part of it is that ADHD drive to stay busy and get pleasure from the interesting things you're doing. But part of it is also discomfort with just sitting with and accepting negative feelings.

I can't see a way around it for him, except to confront this discomfort, but it's tearing him apart and I don't know how to help him.

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@Zumbador
I am actually in a pretty similar situation. My wife and I just broke up and I just started a new job this month. After the breakup I have not returned to the job and currently honestly don't know if I want to. All the reasons I can think of why I took it were because of my wife and son. And suddenly, part of those reasons are gone.

I have no idea what to do about the job situation. But I know I now need time for myself to figure myself out.

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

EmilyMoranBarwick , to actuallyadhd
@EmilyMoranBarwick@mastodon.social avatar

☕ Whenever I drink it just makes me TIRED.

Yet I inexplicably keep trying...hoping for that mythical "energy boost" I've heard tell of.

Any other folks out there experience this with ?

@actuallyautistic
@actuallyadhd

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@EmilyMoranBarwick
Actually, I have no idea what it does to my 🤷‍♂️
I just like drinking it.
@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

sebwhatever , to actuallyautistic
@sebwhatever@mastodon.social avatar
vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@sebwhatever Currently? Persona 5 Royal.

@actuallyautistic

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Where do my comrades "live" most?

@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I struggle a lot with emotions and also feel disconnected from my body. But I am a master in overthinking everything. So my „mind“ it is.

Thumptastic , to actuallyautistic
@Thumptastic@universeodon.com avatar

@actuallyautistic

I have found I read better, faster and more when reading at least three books. Obviously, I don't have three or more books open at once. I retain more if I "jump around." It stops the fatigue. I will read a book straight through if completely engaged.

Anyone else?

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@Thumptastic
Yes. I don't read a lot. But if I do, I switch between 2 or 3 books on my e-reader.
@actuallyautistic

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Do my comrades find noise-cancelling headphones to be helpful?

Or do they actually dysregulate you more?

@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@theautisticcoach I can't stand the "sound" the ANC makes. It hurts in my ears. I rather use normal over-ear headphones. When I listen to music it blends out all distracting sounds just as well.

@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@nddev @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic it‘s not really the noise that is bugging me. All ANC headsets that I have tested produce some kind of pressure on my ears that I just can‘t tolerate. It feels totally wrong.

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

Are my comrades more day people or night people?

@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Night person here who has to be a day person.

sebwhatever , to actuallyautistic
@sebwhatever@mastodon.social avatar

It's my . Not something i've ever really celebrated. I prefer to stay home and have a quiet day than partying it up. But I did want to mark it being my first birthday. I also wanted to thank @actuallyautistic for welcoming me and making me feel like i'm (mostly) seen and heard.

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@sebwhatever I whish you a happy birthday 🎂

Enjoy your day just the way you like.

@actuallyautistic

theautisticcoach , to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

It's absolutely the case that during your journey of self-discovery and embracing your unmasked self that you will have BOTH good days & bad days.

It's painful to grow. It's also rewarding and necessary.

Don't let the hard days get you down.

@actuallyautistic

vger ,
@vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

@theautisticcoach I would like to thank you for your work. I just started to read all the info on autism and do think I could fall into that spectrum. However, I also have doubts. But every day I read something new, especially from people, I tick off another box of "Yes, that's me".

@actuallyautistic

autism101 , to actuallyautistic
@autism101@mstdn.social avatar

Small talk and conversations can be really hard for autistic people.

@actuallyautistic

image: Izzy@autieselfcare

ALT
  • Reply
  • Expand (27)
  • Collapse (27)
  • Loading...
  • vger ,
    @vger@social.daemonlair.org avatar

    @analogfusion Mostly, whenever I think that it is my turn to speak, I unintentionally interrupt the current speaker.

    @autism101 @actuallyautistic

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • random
  • askTheBrainBin
  • thegoldengator
  • neondivide
  • All magazines